Undeveloped.

I dreamt that I was standing on a ladder shopping for lipstick and I found one that looked really good. But when I woke up I didn’t have it. And not only that but I can’t find my other favourite lipstick. That’s bunk.

Convincing

Heyyy. I wrote an actual blog. On my blog. rkkvck.blogspot.com Go see it. Or keep scrolling.

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I don’t enjoy calling New Year’s Resolutions, ‘resolutions’. I don’t even like calling them goals because I feel like I should have been doing them long before the ball dropped. Just because it’s a new year doesn’t mean all of the procrastination, laziness and over-indulgences of last year have gone away. It just means I’m the same person in a different time. Needless to say, after many attempts and failures at starting anew after New Year’s eve, I’ve given up. However, I have come to terms that any kind of commitment I put myself to from now until the beginning of February will be considered a ‘resolution’ or ‘goal’.

So along with that heated, white-flag surrender, I admit that I would like to write more blogs this year. And the year after that and the year after that until I’m done. If it doesn’t happen, I’m not going to beat myself up for it; life’s too short to feel guilty for things like not writing blogs or for eating a piece of chocolate.

Life’s also too short to feel the need to convince people to love you, which I feel is something that I do very regularly. As I was sitting in church today, it occurred to me that I have the tendency to try and sell people into the idea that loving me is easy. And here is the transparent truth: IT’S NOT!

I especially do this with men that I am interested in. I talk about the things we have in common and avoid mentioning the things we don’t. I make an extra effort to show that I care so maybe, one day, they’ll wake up and think “Oh! That Rikki chick is a pretty cool gal; I should text her!”. And they don’t. Let’s be real, they don’t ever text or call because they shouldn’t need convincing!

In reality, if you take all the social media and all the filters and the shallow questions away, I become just a person. And I’m not saying that what I portray online is higher than human, I’m saying it’s the top layer. It’s the good hair days, and the days that I feel thinner. They only highlight about 10% of my life (okay 25%, I’m on instagram more than I should be). Without the ability to censor most of my life, you get a confused, rude, passionate, faulty, wishy-washy christian with a sailor’s mouth. Honest.

But today I happened to realize that Jesus automatically sees past all of the filters.

Romans 8:38-39 says:
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God…(NASB)

God loves me when my hair is a mess and I smell, when I procrastinate, when I get flustered, even when I’m screaming at him. He loves me through the times I’m just too heartbroken to get out of bed and He loves me when I choose to hang out with my computer screen instead of Him. There are no awkward getting to know you questions to ask ‘cause He knows the answers. I don’t have to text, or call, or make Him gifts for Him to know that I’m loveable. He has skipped the step of being talked into loving me; there is no need to convince God to love me because He already just does. And not because I follow Him and not because I chose to give Him my life some time ago, but because He always has.

BIG MISTAKE

Half of my stats class is done online. I just typed in the address with .com instead of .org and it led me to an ‘adult friend finder’ website.

1. I wish I could have taken a picture of my reaction.

2. WHY WOULD YOU PICK AN ADDRESS THAT CLOSE TO AN ADULT FRIEND FINDER SITE FOR A MATH CLASS?!

3. Clearing History.

4. Laughing fer dayzzz.

Phase 2:

Semi-Paleo diet and Spin class.

So I didn’t do so well toward the end of phase one but I’m not going to beat myself up for it.

The semi-paleo diet is going to eliminate pretty much every comfort food I have which makes me happy cause I find myself running to food for comfort more often than not.

Spin class is hard. But I have a feeling it’s gonna be worth it. My crotch isn’t so sure though, those bike seats hurt.